Domestic abuse is when someone hurts, controls, or scares a boyfriend, girlfriend, or someone they used to be in a relationship with. In Scotland, the law defines domestic abuse as abuse that happens between people who are or were in an intimate or romantic relationship. It doesn’t include abuse from a parent, carer, sibling or other family members (which is still taken seriously and there’s help for that too).
What Does Domestic Abuse Involve?
When people hear the words domestic abuse, they might think it only means physical violence. But it can also be emotional, controlling, threatening, or a mix of different behaviours. Sometimes there are no visible signs of abuse, but it can still have a big impact on someone’s life.
Domestic abuse is always serious – even if it only happens once. It can affect anyone, no matter their gender, sexuality, or what kind of romantic relationship they’re in, including LGBTQ+ relationships.
Some examples of domestic abuse include:
- Being controlling – telling someone where they can go, who they can speak to, what clothes or make-up they can wear.
- Being threatening or scary – shouting, making threats, or breaking things to intimidate someone.
- Physical violence – pushing, hitting, spitting, grabbing, or any kind of physical harm.
- Sexual abuse – pressuring or forcing someone to do anything sexual they don’t want to.
- Emotional abuse – constant criticism or making someone feel worthless.
- Financial abuse – taking or controlling someone’s money, not wanting them to have a job.
- Online abuse – checking messages, tracking social media or using technology to control someone, or sharing things without permission.
Sometimes domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour that builds up over time. This is called coercive control. This is when someone uses threats, pressure, or control over time to take away another person’s freedom. Like, isolating them from friends, controlling their activities, or making them feel scared to say or do certain things.
Domestic abuse is never okay, and it is never the fault of the victim. Everyone deserves to feel safe, respected and loved.
Is Domestic Abuse More Commonly Caused By Males?
Domestic abuse is often linked to gender-based violence. Information published by the Scottish Government shows that the majority of domestic abuse incidents attended by the Police have a female victim and male perpetrator. But abuse can happen to anyone, including men who are hurt by female partners or ex-partners, and people in LGBTQ+ relationships.
No matter who’s involved, abuse is never OK.
What Should I Do If I Experience This?
There are a number of things you can do in a situation where you feel like you are experiencing domestic abuse. Each case can be very different when you consider the people involved and the relationship.
You may wish to leave the relationship, if this is the case then you will want to plan how you leave carefully, to avoid any kind of confrontation that could put you at risk. Police Scotland have further advice and things you will want to consider on their website.
You Have the Right to Ask About the Background of Your Partner
The Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland (DSDAS) gives people the right to ask about the background of their partner.
It also allows concerned relatives and friends, the right to ask about someone’s partner. They can ask if they have been abusive in the past.
DSDAS also gives Police Scotland the power to tell people that they may be at risk. This information can be given if it is not asked for.
DSDAS allows people to make the choice on whether to remain in the relationship.
You can fill out the Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland online or get help filling it out at your local police station.
Read more about DSDAS on the Police Scotland website.
How Do I Report It Or Get Support?
If you or someone you know is at risk of harm from domestic abuse then we would encourage you to report it. In an emergency call 999 or for a non-emergency call 101.
There are a few other ways or reporting domestic abuse in a non-emergency situation:
- You can visit your local police station and talk to them in-person.
- Use Police Scotland’s online reporting form.
Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for anyone with experience of domestic abuse or forced marriage, as well as their family members and friends who support them.
- Call their free helpline on 0800 027 1234 or text them on 07401 288 595
- Email them at helpline@sdafmh.org.uk
- Chat online at www.sdafmh.org.uk/en/contact-us/
Rape Crisis Scotland offer support, information and advice for victims of rape and sexual abuse.
- Call their helpline on 08088 01 03 02
- Email them at support@rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
National Stalking Helpline provides support with a specific focus on stalking and harassment.
- Call their free helpline on 0808 802 0300, available 9:30am – 8:00pm Monday & Wednesday and 9:30am – 4:00pm Tuesday, Thursday & Friday
- Email them at advice@stalkinghelpline.org