When someone close to you dies, we grieve as we try to process the news. Grief is the intense emotional response to the pain of a death.
How you might feel
As you grieve, you may feel a range of emotions that you have never felt, or felt the intensity of before. You may feel sadness, confusion, shock, worry, guilt, regret or anger. Grief is individual to everyone and we can all react differently and it will change as you adjust to life without the person who has died.
Being a teenager is a difficult and emotional time. When someone dies it may feel as if your world is crashing around you as you come to terms with that person no longer being around, be it a school friend, family friend, a parent, or a sibling.
You may also experience feelings of loneliness and the desire to be apart from your friends. However, people do react to death in different ways. There’s no right or wrong way or set timescales for grief.
What can help when you’re grieving?
- One of the best things you can do is to express yourself. Talking can help you to process any painful feelings you may have.
- Allow yourself to feel sad. Being sad is a natural response in these circumstances, and crying is helpful to move through those feelings.
- Do what you can to get a good night’s sleep. Sleep helps recovery from the emotional strain which can be caused by grief. Easier said than done sometimes, no matter what kind of loss you’ve experienced, if you’re having trouble sleeping, SleepAdvisor have a great resource on Understanding the Effects of Grief on Sleep.
- You could go off food or find it becomes tasteless, but try to eat regularly as this can help your energy levels.
- Staying busy and having some distractions can help take your mind off what has happened for a short time. This can give you some respite from the hard feelings grief can bring.
- Some days may feel hard and some days you may feel more optimistic. Don’t feel guilty if you have a day when you don’t think about the person who died, your feelings are likely to change day to day. Give yourself permission to enjoy the things you used to and to have fun sometimes.
- Get by with a little help from your friends. Again, socialising with friends will keep your mind off things and being around people can help. Even if you aren’t in a very sociable mood, having people to talk to is still beneficial.
- You may feel tired or fed up or find it hard to concentrate at school, college or work. It can help to get fresh air and exercise, even just a quick walk with a friend.
- Remember that over time your grief will change. You may experience your biggest feelings of sadness in the first days and months after a death and at times you will revisit your grief and may feel the intensity of the grief again. Grief can ebb and flow throughout your life.
Death and bereavement | NHS inform provides information that can support you through the early days of a bereavement and includes practical advice for coping with grief.
A teenage guide to coping when someone dies | Child Bereavement UK provides further information on how to cope when someone dies.
Grief support for young people | Winston’s Wish provides further information on grief support for young people.
Who can I talk to?
If someone has died, try not to isolate yourself and not speak to anyone about the way you are feeling. There are a number of people you can talk to:
- Your friends and family – they can listen, support you and also help you take your mind off things.
- Your doctor – if you think you are needing some support with your grief, visit your doctor. They can offer help to support you to process your grief.
- Your teacher or someone in school – – if you have been affected by a death, talking to a teacher can offer support with school work and help you make a plan for support in school.
- Child Bereavement UK – for help and support with dealing with a death, phone the Child Bereavement confidential phone line on 0800 0288 840 or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org
- Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland – they support and help people who are in grieving. They can be contacted on 0808 802 6161.
- Childline – a counselling service for young people. You can contact their free, confidential line on 0800 1111.
- About Winston’s Wish | Charity for bereaved children | Winston’s Wish – can support and help young people after a death.
The gov.uk website has information on what has to be done following a death, including how to register a death and arrange a funeral.