Fade into Myself (3/6) By Ellie Prouse

Rehabilitation at the hospital was tough. If it wasn't the extensive brain activities it was my parents drilling me in an attempt to remember them. The doctors wouldn't let me be discharged due to my lack of memories and my wariness of my parents. They claimed it would be better when I could recall them and felt safe to go home. Each day I watched the nurse come in and mark the date on the calendar and soon enough two months had gone by with little to no improvement. I had a constant stream of visitors coming in to see me, but they left disappointed when all I could do was stare at them blankly.

So far all I could recollect was silly things like my route home from school and my primary five teacher's name. Each day my parents would come in and soon enough it felt like I was getting to know them. Without my memories they would never feel like parents, but as each day went by they were beginning to feel like friends. They were always kind, but I wished they would back off a little. I had school friends come in on weekends, but I soon began to hate those days. I found myself wondering why had I liked these people. They were obnoxious and insensitive to my feelings and condition. They seemed to come in to question me as though they relied on the gossip. At the end of the second month I had them banned. Perhaps having no memories had opened my eyes and now I could see them as their true selves.

At the end of the third month I was discharged and my parents almost tore my arm off as they dragged me out of the hospital, they even harshly shoved me in the car as though they were breaking me out of prison. Once my parents got in the car, I swear that we got home in like 2 minutes when we live like 10 minutes away. That was another thing I remembered, where my house is. Once we got home I ran up stairs just to lie in my bed and get away from my parents because even though they are my parents they still feel like my friends, but that did not last long as my mum came up to my room and told me I had to come downstairs to spend time with her and my "dad" so I can start to remember them but all I wanted to do was stay in my bed and be myself all day. Then my mum tells me before she leaves my room with me that my friends are coming to our house after school and all I can do is groan.

I have been in this house for about a month and not been outside the house at all, I'm not even allowed outside my garden or sit down on the stairs at the front door. My mum comes in my room later that day telling me that I can go outside. For a minute I couldn't have been happier until my mum tells me that my friends are taking me out for while as she was discussing it with them. I start to ask my mum why she or dad couldn't take me and she said because she was going out with her friends later and dad is working and all I can do is groan. Then my mum starts asking me what is going on as she has notice every time that she brings up my friends I groan. So I decide to tell her that I don't like them. Then she starts getting worried as she loves my friends then brings up before the car crash I loved them as well. I end up bringing up that I was glad that I had that car crash as it opened my eyes and lost most of memories of them because the only thing they like about me is my popularity. Then mum turned around quickly and before slamming the door she said, "Your friends are coming over later on today and taking you outside or if you don't want them to come over today then you can just stay in the house again either way soon you will love your friends again." I wanted to throw something so I threw my pillow as it was closer to me and I didn't want anything to smash and to clean it up.

Later that day my friends came over and we went out to the park it was a five minute walk from my house. They were talking about how everyone at school misses me but to be honest I wasn't even listening to half the things they were saying. I was soon out of my dream world when one of my friends Grace asked me if I was okay as I was not talking that much. I said I was okay very bluntly though and that's when all of my others friends turned around asking if I was okay. So I finally decided it was time to tell them so I shouted at them telling them that I'm not okay, I'm tired of them talking about people behind their back, I don't even know why I am friends with them and asking why am I even popular when all I want is to be is friends with people who won't judge unlike them? After my little rant at them I went home and when I was walking home all I could hear from them was a gasp.